1. Grief

Divorce is a death of a union, and therefore the death of a dream, a promise, a life, and a family unit. Everyone involved—even a perpetrator—will feel grief and loss during a divorce. Even if you’re thankful and relieved to be out of the marriage, you will have grief and regrets over mistakes or missed opportunities. The “what-ifs” may haunt you. If there are children involved, they will experience grief over the loss of being with both parents together, living under the same roof, or at least the loss of the idea that can no longer be realized. They will feel a familial loss. Divorce also separates in-laws. Grandparents lose their daughters or sons-in-law; they might lose easy access to their grandkids, or they might have to assume a parental role to help their son or daughter. Grief hits every part of a family during a divorce.

Divorce marks a pivotal moment in a person’s life, especially for children; life as they know it changes forever and they become different versions of themselves, adapting to new routines and new versions of their parents (who have also changed). They might move to a new home, new school, or be a part of a new step-family. Often, children take responsibility for their parents’ divorce, internalizing guilt and regret over the break-up. Even normalizing the widespread acceptance of divorce and step-families in our culture can’t diminish a child’s trauma at losing his/her parent from the home, especially to someone else like a new wife or step-child. (55 percent of divorcees will remarry.)

Following a divorce, parents and children often experience emotional problems that can last for years, even for the rest of their lives. Anxiety, depression, fear of abandonment, distrust, insecurity, lack of intimacy, confusion over sexuality and/or gender, guilt, avoidance of conflict, faithlessness, control, loneliness, bitterness, and rebellion manifest themselves in children who have lived through a parents’ divorce.

6. The Chance of Another Divorce

60 percent of divorcees who remarry will divorce again; third marriages dissolve 93 percent of the time. Why? Perhaps people don’t work on their issues; perhaps they’re too busy trying to survive. Realistically, most people carry their issues into the next marriage (along with the new baggage from their last divorce). Very often, people are also attracted to the same type of person as they were before. The opposite is also true:  many people often find happiness and peace in a second or third marriage. Time, wisdom, and pain are remarkable guides. Getting a divorce doesn’t mean you won’t find lasting love. Just be careful about making any assumptions that a second or third marriage will work,if you can just get out of the present one.

7. Losing Friends

Most divorced people, while they remain single, eventually find new single friends. At some point, they begin to feel awkward in their previous married friends’ circles. Divorcees also lose married friends if those friends feel pressured to choose sides; they may choose one spouse over the other, or they may jettison from both friendships to avoid further conflict.

8. Dividing of Memories and Belongings

While household items and family photos don’t hold a lot of intrinsic value, dividing them between parents can be heart-wrenching because household items represent memories and commitment. Family photos capture times of love and unity that can be both painful and precious. Just like going through the belongings of a parent who’s died, dividing up a household between spouses (or even if one person keeps it all) brings feelings of heartache, resentment, and regret.

Divorced parents will have to share the kids on holidays or rotate holidays. Either way, that leaves one parent alone or without their kids on some of the most sentimental and nostalgic days of the year. Other important days, like graduations, birthdays, and weddings become events that must be shared by both parents simultaneously, which can create tension if the exes have not figured out how to be cordial to one another and one another’s new spouses (if they exist). A lifetime of uncomfortable holidays is not something most people want.

10. singlehood

Singles comprise 43 percent of America’s adults. If you’re in a bad marriage, singleness looks attractive. But once you’ve been married and you find yourself divorced, you probably aren’t so comfortable back out there in the dating world. Divorcees must navigate singleness very carefully, especially if they have kids. Without another parent in the home, single parents tend to rely heavily on neighbors, boyfriends/girlfriends, and extended family to babysit when they can’t be home. Another caution here is dating itself—having a potential new mom or dad in and out of the house is emotionally confusing and traumatizing for kids. If you date with kids in the house, be wary of exposure and attachment until you feel confident about the security of the relationship. Children of divorce are especially susceptible to feeling abandoned and unwanted. You might consider remaining single until your kids are grown.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)