4 Reasons I Have Nothing to Wear

“I have nothing to wear.”

Oh, the times I have said that when I had a closet full of clothes!

There are four reasons–well three, really, (because the first one isn’t true)–that I utter those words. They are:

1. I really have nothing to wear. I only own the clothes I’m currently wearing. Said no typical American woman. And certainly not me. This is a lie of entitlement, no doubt, so let’s move on to the “real” reasons I have nothing to wear. I don’t want to feel guilty where clothes are concerned.
2. I have nothing new. i.e. I’m bored with my old clothes. True-er words were never spoken. I’m a bit embarrassed to say it, but it’s true, isn’t it? New clothes are always the best clothes. Nothing looks as good on me as a freshly de-tagged garment.
3. I have nothing that fits me right. i.e. I don’t look good in the clothes I put on. This is probably the curse of modern culture and the human condition, but at times, I believe it like the gospel. Perhaps it means I haven’t purchased the right design for the body I have. I blame Barbie and Hollywood and Eve. But never chocolate or ice cream.
4. I have nothing appropriate for this occasion. i.e. I don’t know what to wear because I’m not sure exactly what’s in style. I suspect this reason doesn’t occur in households containing girls, especially teenage girls. They always know what to wear, and they don’t mind telling everyone else in the house, especially their mothers, what to wear–and more specifically, what NOT to wear. I don’t know how my mom could stand me, but I think I practically dressed her for my entire teenage existence. She should have cut off my clothing budget in response to my interference. Oh, wait. She was too generous to give me a budget. Hmm. Maybe it’s her fault that I have a clothes problem.

I’ll admit that I’m a bit of a clothes horse, which I excuse by bargain-hunting, thrifting, and for many years, sewing my own clothes. I have taken the above statement “I don’t have anything to wear” on every shopping trip I’ve ever made. It’s very handy.

I’m sure there’s a lesson here about thankfulness and contentment. But in the back of my clothes-horse mind, I’m frightened about never having anything to wear. So I’m keeping the statement handy, because I intend to use it.

You can use it, if you want to.

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