A scary prayer for grace

Lord,

I need some grace in my life.
Not for me–I know I already have that in excess.
You lavish your grace and mercy on me,
when, of course, I don’t deserve it.
Thank you for that.
It’s truly incomprehensible.

I must not be living in consciousness of your grace all the time
because I am often ungracious towards other people.
Me, who’s highly flawed,
finds time and energy to judge other people who are also highly flawed.

I get annoyed,
impatient,
frustrated,
upset.

I know that makes me human.
Your grace has told me you understand my frailties
and you love me anyway.
(Once again, thank you.)

If your power is made perfect in weakness,
why do I rebel against my own weakness
and criticize other people’s weaknesses.
It’s so hypocritical.

I want your power to flow through me,
yet I pretend and fight against the weaknesses that make
your power visible.

I think the antidote to gracelessness is humility.
My flaws should do the trick there,
but I guess I cover them up and pretend they don’t exist.
Maybe that’s why I criticize?

Humble me.
Oh, that’s a scary prayer
because I know you’ll do it.
But I want your grace in me and through me,
so I want the process of humbling to take place.

Eeek! I’m afraid now.
Lord, give me courage to be changed by you.
Make me gracious.
I know this is going to sting.

I love you, and I trust you.
Amen.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Cor. 12:9