Confession from a control-freak

Lord of Lords,

I want you to be present in my life.
I even want you to be in control–
so why do I chafe against life’s constraints, against unwanted circumstances?
Why do I grumble about the time it takes for you to work in my life?
Why do I say I want your will, even while I plan and control my own destiny?

I worry about what will happen and what hasn’t happened.
Although  I don’t blame you audibly,
I find myself annoyed with my life
and avoiding my quiet time with you.
Because I’ve distanced myself from you.
My life is a testament to how and if and when I let you work.
My attitude reveals my heart.

I respect the beauty of your power, but not the impact of it.
It’s like controlling the ocean, the surf, and the shoreline and thinking that would make the ocean better.
In essence, that would ruin the majesty of creation.

Lord, help me be willing to give you my whole heart.
Convict me when I don’t.

Please forgive me. I want you to have all of me.

Amen.