Show me where I’m holding back your story

Dear Lord,

You are writing a story with my life.
I know that, but I often forget that my story is actually a tool to tell your story.

You’re writing your story on my life
so people who don’t know you will
see what love looks like through me.

I’m blowing this.
How much am I confusing the telling of your story?
Are the pages of my life so focused on me
and what will happen to me
and what has happened to me
that your message is blurred?

Lord, show me where I’m interrupting the story you want to write on me.

I know you’ve called me.
I’ve hard the sermons and read the Bible verses about calling and surrender.
It’s just that sometimes,
I don’t know what you’re calling me to.
I see what I can do and what I want to do,
but I don’t understand what’s taking you so long to use me for something significant.

This is idolatry, and I confess it to you.
This is greed, fear, and selfishness.
This is me thinking that your gifts are for my success
instead of your glory.

Lord, remind me daily–hourly–that everything in my life is about telling your story.
About living your story.

I don’t want to put parameters around the story you want to tell through me.
I don’t want to hold back my most hurtful memories
or my most precious gifts
because my faith is weak concerning what you will do with them.

Lord, show me where I’m holding you back from writing the story you want to write on me.
I give everything in my life to you to use however you choose.
Just give me the grace and courage to keep giving everything to you,
especially when life is hard (which is a lot of the time),
so you can write my story the way you want to.

I desire to be a blank page in your book full of beauty, power, and legacy.
All of which points back to you.

Thank you.
Amen.