A sugar-free poem

If you can’t have a sugar-free life, at least read this sugar-free poem.

It’s time again for my sugar fast

I’ve turned away from sweets at last.

It happens every New Year’s Day–

A resolution, you might say,

To read all labels in the store,

To pass by donuts, pies, and more.

Although this diet makes me wary,

My will must last ‘til February.

The list of contraband’s so long,

I could make up another song

That goes like this: “Your life is over;

You’re about to live on greens and clover.”

Dessert, of course, is gone for good—

If only I had understood:

No pasta, bread, no juice or sauce.

Dressings, wine—all is lost—

I can’t eat granola bars or dips,

Cold cereal or chocolate chips,

No pancakes or cookie dough

Or any snacks that end with “0.”

My meals are bland, there’s no denying—

My head hurts from all this trying.

Sure, there’s Stevia and Nutra-Sweet,

But they can’t make my food complete!

There’s honey crystals and that Splenda–

Agave drops, what’s your agenda?

You blur my taste buds’ endless dream

Of maple syrup and ice cream.

Saliva forms inside my mouth;

I’ll run away, I’ll go down South

Toward cake, sweet tea, a piece of pie,

Where I’ll eat sugar ‘til I die.

It’s only 31 more days.

I see the finish, in a haze—

A brave new world that’s sugar-free—

It’s good for you, but not for me.

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